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BREAKING: Sasha Obama’s Cocaine Bust Wasn’t A ‘Misunderstanding’ After All

As you’ve probably heard, Sasha Obama was busted doing lines of cocaine in an empty classroom at her elite school, Hawthorne Academy on Wednesday.

Wednesday afternoon, Drudge Report pointed out that Child Protective Services had reportedly visited Barack and “Michelle” Obama’s $5.3 million mansion in Washington, D.C.

Many liberals have speculated that this was all a big “misunderstanding” or that she was somehow set up. As it turns out not only was she not set up, but she got her cocaine from a very interesting source: her mother’s dresser.

Child Protective Services refuses to comment on the investigation because they are not allowed to under any circumstances, but one of Sasha’s classmates told the local newspaper the District Unified Metro Press under condition of anonymity:

Nat, we call her Nat because her real name’s Natasha, broke down crying in the principal’s office. She says she told them everything, even that she stole the coke from her mom’s dresser. It’s where she always gets it. After school she came over to Sarah’s house crying and told us she messed up huge and she thinks she got her mom and dad in trouble and that’s a huge thing because they were the President and First Lady. Some lady called her cell phone earlier and told her she had to go stay with her grandmother for now and couldn’t go home. She’s really scared.

Clarksville, Virginia’s Globe Journal reported Wednesday that Sasha was not seen coming home from school.

The Obama’s really stepped in it this time. Not only are our suspicions confirmed that Michelle Obama is coked up all the time, but they may lose custody of their daughter over it.

It’s almost too perfect to be true.

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  1. HER PRETEND DAD EXCHANGED SEX WITH DRUG LORDS AT AGE 13-14 FOR
    COCAINE AND DRUGS WERE FOUND AT THE WHITE HOUSE. APPARENTLY MICHAEL WAS ON IT TOO. WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU EXPECT FROM THESE GIRLS WHI WERE KIDNAPPED AS CHILDREN IN CHICAGO. GIVE THEM BACK TO THEIR REAL PARENTS, THEY WOULD HAVE TO BE BETTER OFF THAN WITH CRIMINALS.

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